There is an old joke that goes something like this:
Two guys were hiking in the woods when they startled a bear. They took off running, and one guy said to the other “We’re never going to outrun this bear”.
The second said, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.”
For years, people in my post-baby-boom generation have been told that the secret to success and happiness is work-life balance. They rank their priorities and consistently (and rightly) place family above work, then interpret “balance” and “priorities” to mean they should be spending as much TIME with their family as they do at work. They make it a point to be at every soccer practice, PTA meeting, and handle their share of the pick-up duties. I myself believed this for many years, right up until I was laid off several years ago.
This is when I learned an important lesson: Placing your family ahead of work in order of importance doesn’t necessarily mean you devote the same amount of TIME and ENERGY to being WITH your family; it means you place your family’s welfare and well-being ahead of work. Believe it or not, your family doesn’t ALWAYS need you around. But, they do need you to provide a home and food and health care and the other necessities of life. And then they need your time. It is work, your job, that provides these things.
Like it or not, there are going to be people that are as good or better than you. There can only be one #1, and if you want to be that star performer, the one that is still around when the layoffs are done, you will have to work harder. Don’t give me that tired old mantra “Work smarter, not harder”. Today it is “Work smarter AND harder“.
There are going to be great periods at work where everything runs smoothly and you’re out of work on time and you’re able to coach the t-ball team. But there are also going to be periods where the challenges are huge, and the winners at work will be the ones that step up and do what is necessary to overcome the challenges. These periods don’t last forever, although sometimes it can feel like they will. So, explain to your family that for the next few months you’re going to miss dinner twice a week, then stick around and take care of that last meeting at 6 pm.
In my current position, I recently transitioned what I do to another plant in my company located in Asia. At the time, I was working my way out of a job but I embraced this and I worked the long hours and made the tough decisions. Late-night conference calls and 4 a.m. email checks, with a ton of complex, difficult work in-between were the norm for several months. Now, I’ve been entrusted with several programs that have been deemed critical to the future of our business unit in Huntsville, all because I made the choice to work harder and smarter. This is paying off by providing the security my family needs right now, and the opportunity to improve our financial situation despite the worst economic times in our lives.
Lest you think this is a self-congratulating post, allow me to point out that my counterparts in Asia that now work my old program are 12 timezones ahead of me. When I arrive at 7 a.m., I have a full inbox of complex communications, and these continue to come well into my morning. When I leave between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m., I’ve already received the first of the emails for the following day. Remember this the next time you wonder why manufacturers build everything they can overseas.
When my first child was born in 1999, my wife and I made the decision that she would stay home from work, at least for a while. My wife worked for a major bank of America (ahem), working in human resources. When the layoff notices associated with a merger came out, she volunteered to go on the list. With almost 15 years service, her severance package was really nice. At the same time, she had a network of consultants that hired her to do a couple projects that kept a nice side income running.
But life being what it is, the side jobs petered out and the lion’s share of our income soon came from my job. In the intervening years, a second child was born and my wife has decided to work a variety of work-from-home jobs for a little extra money. We’ve also experienced a nice run in my career that was followed by a dramatic layoff and career-renassaince (you can’t keep a good man down!).
So, we’ve EXPERIENCED life on a single-income and I thought you might be interested to hear a few thoughts aboout it if you’re considering the same:
Pro: My wife is always there for anything the kids need.
Con: There is no money for extras, most of the time.
Pro: I never have to take time off for things like taking the car to the mechanic or meeting the cable guy.
Con: There is no money for extras, most of the time.
Pro: When my daughters are sick, they stay home and go the doctor rather than go to school and day care where they will infect everyone else because there was no adult in the house ablt to take time off from work.
Con: There is no money for extras, most of the time.
Pro: My kids are able to participate in any and all after-school activities that we can afford.
Con: There is no money for extras, most of the time.
Pro: I have had the opportunity to explore a variety of ways to earn a side income and enriched my life in more ways than just monetary.
Con: There is no money for extras, most of the time.
Pro: I’m the guy that people at work can count on to stay late and do the work that needs to be done because someone I love is taking care of other people I love, freeing me to do what I need to do to get ahead.
Con: There is NO MONEY for extras, MOST OF THE TIME!
The tradeoffs are different for every family. What is right for mine may not be right for yours. But, as hard as it is (and it is HARD!), I sleep well at night knowing that my wife and I prioritized our children over money and material items.
